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I have more than physical healing to contend with. I am working on my spiritual, emotional & mental healing, also. At this moment in my life, I believe I am making a lot of people angry with me. I am being selfish. I am being self-centered. I am putting myself 1st. I have been a people pleaser most of my life. I have put so many before me and that has to stop. I have a husband and kids that need me. I put my healing aside for everyone and now we are suffering.

God placed me in a state of rest for a reason. I haven’t been listening to God or my body. I kept pushing myself to do for everyone who needed my support. I did this with little concern for my health. I am an empath. I feel the pain of others and believe I can help them, I can fix them. I cannot fix anyone. That isn’t my job. I can listen and show support but right now I, emotionally & mentally, cannot do that. My husband & kids understand this. They get me!!! They allow me to be who I really was made to be. I love each of them for it. I don’t have to hide who I am with them. When I say things they take my words for what I said, not their interpretations of what I said. It is so wonderful. I don’t have to tiptoe around them.

Now, I have to change who I am for me and for my family. I will be a better person from it. I have been told, “You are fine the way you are!” I don’t believe that anymore. We are meant to improve who we are on a daily basis. I know I am not Jesus. I know I will never be perfect but I WANT TO LIVE A LIFE OF CHRIST!!! I want to be the best person I can be. I want to achieve the greatness He has planned for me when I was in my mother’s womb.

Healing is different for each of us. It can be easy or it can be hard. I have been taking the hard way. I have to change that in me, always doing everything the hard way. I am in the middle of a transformation in my life. My husband is dealing with his mother’s death. My son is an adult but he is still watching and learning. My daughter is a teenager, she is in one of the hardest times in her life. Their parents divorce really affected them and is still touching their lives, emotionally & mentally. We have 2 more daughters that are dealing with a blended family, a change to their lives, that they may or may not appreciate. A cousin that feels more like a son to me, that is in the middle of his Marine training. These people are my priorities.

I pray that everyone understands where I am in my life. I pray for loving, kindness. I know others are going through things in their lives but I have to place boundaries down. If I don’t, I will not reach where I need to be in my life. Sometimes, it is okay to say’ “No.” I haven’t been a person to do that. It may seem like bad timing to others but it is the perfect timing for me.

Edit: I pray that anyone that I have to place a boundary around or that I am not able to place them 1st in my life, do not believe I have rejected them. I just have a very low emotional & mental threshold right now. I have to put the family I live with 1st. If I don’t, I will fail them and I CANNOT do that to them. I pray for your understanding.

Love ya

Shelley Wesley

This scripture is long but a necessary read. Sometimes you just have to tell the truth, even when it goes against popular belief. This morning in my prayers I asked the Lord, if He listened to & answered the prayers of people who are not living in His will. Through 1 of my devotionals, I was giving this scripture. He answered me pretty loud & clear, this morning. 1 out of 401 told the king the truth & Ahab listened to the masses instead of to the 1. The truth is ugly sometimes but it is the truth. The truth can not be denied.

“Now Jehoshaphat had great wealth and honor, and he allied himself with Ahab by marriage. Some years later he went down to see Ahab in Samaria. Ahab slaughtered many sheep and cattle for him and the people with him and urged him to attack Ramoth Gilead. Ahab king of Israel asked Jehoshaphat king of Judah, “Will you go with me against Ramoth Gilead?” Jehoshaphat replied, “I am as you are, and my people as your people; we will join you in the war.” But Jehoshaphat also said to the king of Israel, “First seek the counsel of the Lord.” So the king of Israel brought together the prophets—four hundred men—and asked them, “Shall we go to war against Ramoth Gilead, or shall I not?” “Go,” they answered, “for God will give it into the king’s hand.” But Jehoshaphat asked, “Is there no longer a prophet of the Lord here whom we can inquire of?” The king of Israel answered Jehoshaphat, “There is still one prophet through whom we can inquire of the Lord, but I hate him because he never prophesies anything good about me, but always bad. He is Micaiah son of Imlah.” “The king should not say such a thing,” Jehoshaphat replied. So the king of Israel called one of his officials and said, “Bring Micaiah son of Imlah at once.” Dressed in their royal robes, the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat king of Judah were sitting on their thrones at the threshing floor by the entrance of the gate of Samaria, with all the prophets prophesying before them. Now Zedekiah son of Kenaanah had made iron horns, and he declared, “This is what the Lord says: ‘With these you will gore the Arameans until they are destroyed.’ ” All the other prophets were prophesying the same thing. “Attack Ramoth Gilead and be victorious,” they said, “for the Lord will give it into the king’s hand.” The messenger who had gone to summon Micaiah said to him, “Look, the other prophets without exception are predicting success for the king. Let your word agree with theirs, and speak favorably.” But Micaiah said, “As surely as the Lord lives, I can tell him only what my God says.” When he arrived, the king asked him, “Micaiah, shall we go to war against Ramoth Gilead, or shall I not?” “Attack and be victorious,” he answered, “for they will be given into your hand.” The king said to him, “How many times must I make you swear to tell me nothing but the truth in the name of the Lord?” Then Micaiah answered, “I saw all Israel scattered on the hills like sheep without a shepherd, and the Lord said, ‘These people have no master. Let each one go home in peace.’ ” The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, “Didn’t I tell you that he never prophesies anything good about me, but only bad?” Micaiah continued, “Therefore hear the word of the Lord: I saw the Lord sitting on his throne with all the multitudes of heaven standing on his right and on his left. And the Lord said, ‘Who will entice Ahab king of Israel into attacking Ramoth Gilead and going to his death there?’ “One suggested this, and another that. Finally, a spirit came forward, stood before the Lord and said, ‘I will entice him.’ “ ‘By what means?’ the Lord asked. “ ‘I will go and be a deceiving spirit in the mouths of all his prophets,’ he said. “ ‘You will succeed in enticing him,’ said the Lord. ‘Go and do it.’ “So now the Lord has put a deceiving spirit in the mouths of these prophets of yours. The Lord has decreed disaster for you.” Then Zedekiah son of Kenaanah went up and slapped Micaiah in the face. “Which way did the spirit from the Lord go when he went from me to speak to you?” he asked. Micaiah replied, “You will find out on the day you go to hide in an inner room.” The king of Israel then ordered, “Take Micaiah and send him back to Amon the ruler of the city and to Joash the king’s son, and say, ‘This is what the king says: Put this fellow in prison and give him nothing but bread and water until I return safely.’ ” Micaiah declared, “If you ever return safely, the Lord has not spoken through me.” Then he added, “Mark my words, all you people!” So the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat king of Judah went up to Ramoth Gilead. The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, “I will enter the battle in disguise, but you wear your royal robes.” So the king of Israel disguised himself and went into battle. Now the king of Aram had ordered his chariot commanders, “Do not fight with anyone, small or great, except the king of Israel.” When the chariot commanders saw Jehoshaphat, they thought, “This is the king of Israel.” So they turned to attack him, but Jehoshaphat cried out, and the Lord helped him. God drew them away from him, for when the chariot commanders saw that he was not the king of Israel, they stopped pursuing him. But someone drew his bow at random and hit the king of Israel between the breastplate and the scale armor. The king told the chariot driver, “Wheel around and get me out of the fighting. I’ve been wounded.” All day long the battle raged, and the king of Israel propped himself up in his chariot facing the Arameans until evening. Then at sunset he died.”

2 Chronicles 18:1-34 NIV https://www.bible.com/bible/111/2ch.18.1-34.niv

I am watching Girls Incarcerated: Young And Locked Up on Netflix. This show makes me cry. These young girls are behaving like adults but most of them are not old enough to be in high school. Our youth are walking around carrying so much anger inside of them. So many of them feel like their parents have let them down. However, I believe their parents are probably walking around with just as much anger inside of them. Most of these parents possibly are carrying around the same baggage as their children are carrying.

I believe generational curses are real. I believe we can pass down our good and bad traits to our children. What are we doing to help our kids do better than we are emotionally? How are we helping them heal now from their childhood hurts and pains that we know they suffer from?