I haven’t written anything in a while because I have been in a state of confusion. My purpose wasn’t clear to me. I was hearing things but questioning if I was the right person for the job.
Today, I recognize that even though I am a little weird and crazy, I am definitely the right person. I just need to stay on this path and allow God to lead me. I need to stop trying to be in charge of my life & give control to Him. Giving up control may be hard for me but it is something I need to do.
Strong minded, Alpha woman, Leo, for whatever reason, I have always had issues with relinquishing my control or power to someone else. It may come from having trust issues, I am not sure but I have to grow and change that aspect of my personality. It is holding me back from being the Shelley that I am supposed to be, that God created me to be.
I want to be God’s light but I like the Disney Villains more than I like the Princesses. I want to be God’s light but I like the Nightmare Before Christmas more than I like any Christmas movie. I want to be God’s light but I like fairies, elves, unicorns and all things magical. I want to be God’s light but I want my unicorn hair back. I want to be God’s light but I have addictions that I fight with daily. I am quirky and strange but I still want to be God’s light. I love God! I trust God! I know that He is real. He is my protector and the greatest supporter I have ever had in my life. Jesus has held me down and had my back, when I have been abandoned by people. I want to be obedient and listen to him. However I sit here and wonder how with all that I have going on in me and the fact that I am a true Little 5 Points girl in my heart and soul, how does He possible want me to counsel His people?
Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”
This is true. We have to start looking at people differently. We are not fighting against the person that is committing the wrong doings. We are in a fight with the spirit/s that are in their minds telling them what to do, helping them plot against you, These spirits are convincing them that their behavior is alright.
We have to start praying for these people. It is time to release our offense and start using the weapons that God has giving us. These people look like our enemies but they are just the puppets that the “TRUE” enemy uses against God’s people. These individuals are in bondage or stuck in a stronghold. The have been trapped and are doing the devil’s bidding and most of them do not have a clue it is happening. We have to pray for their souls. As God’s soldiers, I feel like it is our responsibility to stand in the gap for them. The anger or contempt we are holding in our hearts and minds for these people is blocking our true purpose. That purpose is to bring people to Jesus Christ, to help them form a relationship with the Father.
We have to change our stance towards them as well. We cannot act like they are our enemy. They have to see Jesus’ light shining through us. Our behavior needs to be kind & humble, even in the moments we feel like fighting them. I understand this is hard to do and sometimes you may feel like it is a waste of time because you do not see a change in the person you are praying for. I know how that feels. However, I believe that our prayers will be answered. It is just not time, right now. God gives us all free will. He doesn’t push Himself on us. He waits until we are ready to come to Him. I am also convinced that even though they may not react to our behavior change, they still see it. One day, these people who once treated you like an enemy, will recognize the grace you gave to them. I am under the belief, when this person is having their moment with God, when it is time for them to be turned into a new Godly creation, all will be forgiven by God. So why are we so angry?
Pray, show them grace and allow God to deal with the hard stuff. You may ask how I can speak on this so easily? It is because I have been there myself. I had so much hate in my heart for a person, that I felt the contempt controlled my emotions & behavior. That was a false statement that I believed about myself. I was praying and asking God to control me when I was around this person, not to allow me to come out. I actually prayed for Him to control my tongue because I was afraid of what I would say. Once I relinquished control of my emotions, behavior & tongue to God, I knew He was not only real but He was in control. I wanted to spit out curse words and God had me shaking hands and hugging folks.