Charles & I both went through divorces that we did not want or desire. We understood the value of family and we didn’t want our families to be broken, so we fought for those marriages. That was not the right reason to delay the divorces. God believes in marriage but if He isn’t in them, I believe He will release you from the marriage. Especially, if He wasn’t the creator of it.
We now look at our marriage in a different light. God placed us together. We know without a shadow of a doubt, that God made us for each other. We were just both living in our own will and not paying attention to the Lord, when it came to the relationships in our lives before June 25, 2016. Having gone to high school together, on that day, we remet. The two of us were on our individual walks with the Lord at the time. We were getting to know who we were with Christ as our Lord & Savior.
Charles had written down what he wanted in a wife & I had prayed for my husband. To be completely transparent, I started out praying for my ex-husband. I was confused into thinking restoration was the answer. When Jesus started showing me who I was in Him, I started learning my worth & value. Due to the past hurts that I had experienced, I didn’t know my value or my worth. The Father made it crystal clear, that going backward was not in His plan for my life. I actually saw Charles standing in front of me in a dream once but I didn’t remember him from school at the time. Who would have believed, God showed me my husband in a dream?
Once I accepted that there was no going back, I started praying for God’s will to take place in my life. I started praying to be a living testimony for Jesus Christ. Boy, did He make that happen and happen fast. Once Charles and I started talking on June 25th, we haven’t stopped talking to one another. We were married on October 6, 2016. Some may say it was quick but we say it wasn’t because it was in God’s timing not out own.
Since that day, we have stated, this marriage is our forever marriage. Our church believes in marriages, strong marriages. We have attended pre-married life, marriage conferences, and classes at our church. During one of the conferences, it was said that for couples to maintain a good marriage, the first thing that needed to happen was to take divorce off the table. We agreed that neither one of us wanted to think about divorce again. So, we took it off the table. Since it isn’t an option in our marriage, it has made life a little harder. We actually have to work in this marriage. There is no easy way out for us!
We made a deal with each other that we would invest in our marriage. Our church has Married Life ministry, it is a ministry dedicated to marriage. The leaders are couples that are married with Jesus as the foundation & third strand in their covenant. They are not perfect but you know that upfront and it actually is nice to see real marriages work out real issues. We attend classes every year. This year we are actually taking a 2nd class. We also pray and read the Bible & devotionals together. Sometimes we slack when it comes to praying & reading but we eventually get our act together and do what we have to do to keep our marriage thriving not dying.
Working on our marriage is actually helping us stay in love. We are learning how to communicate in a healthy way. We still argue but we are able to recognize what we are doing wrong, figure out how to make things right and try our best not to let it happen again. Charles & I try our best not to allow any discussion or argument to be carried over to the next day. Our love grows when it isn’t torn down by nasty names and hateful words. We are not perfect but we are working on correcting what is wrong in our union. We have promised to continue to invest in our marriage for the rest of our lives.
DIVORCE IS OFF THE TABLE!!!
My mother says that I have always been spiritual. However, it wasn’t until I allowed myself to get connected to my spiritual family, that I really understood what being spiritual really meant to me. Our #1 priority is knowing & having a relationship with Jesus but He also wants us to have a relationship with our brothers and sisters in Christ.
I would like to thank my spiritual family for always motivating me to learn and grow. It started out with the leaders and members of Community Church of God & now includes the leaders and members of Victory World Church, plus members of my friends & family that are spirit led, also. I am blessed to have such a diverse spiritual family. I have learned and I continue to learn so much from my family. They even help me when I am having mental & spiritual breakdowns.
I am so appreciative of each Spiritual mother, father, sister, & brother that I have been blessed with in my life. I pray God blesses each of you abundantly and places giant warring angels around your entire family and your homes. I love you all!!!
Have you ever had a moment when you know you clearly disappointed God? I had one of those moments, recently. He told me how to behave and react and I didn’t listen to Him. My flesh is my worse enemy. I do not know how to quiet it down. It amazes me that I have such faith in God but I still stumble in moments when He has told me to be quiet.
However, I am blessed because my God is a forgiver. He knows my heart. He knows my spirit. One day I will give full control of my tongue to Jesus. I pray it is soon. My tongue has a habit of giving other people power and being used against me. It is time for that to end. I have had too many practice test, to fail the final exam. I know there are life and death in the tongue. I only want my tongue to speak life.
As I write this, please remember everyone sins differently. What I see as sin, you may or may not see as sin.I hope you will read my words and see how Jesus worked in my life from my transparency.
In 2014, my ex-husband informed me that he no longer wanted to be married to me any longer. I was broken. I was so lost & confused. I was convinced that if I did everything he ever wanted to do, our marriage would survive. I was so misguided & delusional. I asked him for some time to show him what a great wife I could be. smh…. I proceeded to behave like I never had before. I turned into a proverbial sex kitten. I did anything and everything, besides bringing someone else into our bed. It was crazy & tiresome. We even went to a strip club as a couple. It was ridiculous!!!
Of course, none of this worked because sex wasn’t the problem in our marriage. Sex was one of the problems in my heart & MY MIND. See, I have had an addiction to pornography & masturbation, since I was a young little girl. When I was home alone, I would sneak and look at my parent’s porn. I would see what the adults were doing and then try my best to create the feelings or make the looks and sounds the women would make in the magazines and films. This become a regular habit, that I couldn’t shake off. Sex was at the forefront of my mind all the time. I guess my mind worked like a man’s mind when it came to sex. I carried these addictions into every relationship I was in. I never saw a problem with it because every guy I was with loved it. A girl that loved to watch porn & masturbated, what could be better.
In those months when I was trying to save a broken marriage, I was also getting closer to Jesus. I know it may be hard to believe, considering the trip to the club. However, that trip was the beginning to me waking up. It showed me how much power I gave to sex in my life. I was thinking about sex all the time. I believed sex made a marriage. That sex was more important than any other aspect of marriage, even verbal communication. I was lost in a sex wasteland. I was blessed that Jesus came into my life. Jesus started working on my heart, while my brain was working against my heart. I had to go through a lot of loss but when I did Jesus was there to pick up the pieces. During this time, Jesus was there guiding me away from my sexual sin.
For the next 2 years, Jesus worked on my addictions. He was cleaning me. He was making me a new creation and I couldn’t carry my sexual mess with me any longer. I knew He was watching over me. I wanted to make Him happy with my actions. So, how would it look for me to be doing those things as He was looking at me. The thought made me feel some kind of way. I had to lay it down. It was very hard. It was such a major part of my life for so long, but I was able to do it. I threw all of our porn & sex toy collection away. It wasn’t an easy process. I fell a few times. It is amazing how easy it is to find porn nowadays. Sex toys are becoming cheaper and more easily accessible. You don’t have to go to the sleazy sex shops anymore. Walmart & Target sell them, now.
In 2019, I guess the word would be “sober”, I am sober. I haven’t watched porn or masturbated in almost 3 years. I slipped up 1 time in my forever marriage. I asked Jesus and my husband for forgiveness. I realized I was a thief. I had been the accomplice to my sexual sin stealing my innocence as a child. I had also helped rob the sexual intimacy from my previous relationships. Do I still get urges? Yes, just like with other addictions, the urges come but I know how to fight them off now. I pray. I also do not want to be the thief in my marriage. It is harder work making love without porn but it is so worth it. You actually have to love and desire your spouse. It is more than a visual task. It is more than just sex, getting an orgasm. A special connection links us together, a connection created by God. I am so blessed to know the difference.
I AM FREE!!!
Hate is a strong word to me. I don’t use it a lot but when I do, it is typically because a person has treated me with extreme hostility or dislike. I have had moments when I have felt hate towards others. However, those moments were short-lived. I do my best to recognize when I am having those moments and I change my way of thinking. I have witnessed what happens to people if they allow hate to live in their hearts. I never want to be one of those people.
Hate takes too much time, too much planning!!! I am a spontaneous lady! I like to see how people treat me before I decide if I am going to respect them or not. That is the realm I live in. You really shouldn’t concern yourself with rather or not I hate you. Your question should be, does Shelley respect me? I really put a lot of weight into RESPECT. Respect means so much to me. I guess it is based on the fact that I feel like liking someone can be faked. Respect is different. Either someone respects you or they don’t. You can be cordial to a person that you do not respect but your mannerisms are different. Your facial expressions or the way you speak is different. When you have respect for someone, you can see it, hear it, shoot you can even feel it. Genuine respect is amazing.
I can dislike you but still respect you as a human being but if I don’t respect you, you will never experience the true Shelley. You will only get Michelle and she is cool person but not as fun-loving and happy as Shelley. Michelle will be nice to you but do her best to get away from you as soon as she can.
Do I hate anyone? No. However, there are a lot of people that I do not respect.
My marriage is a typical marriage. We go through our highs and or lows, especially since we are a blended family. However, it is my responsibility as the wife, 2nd in charge, the Queen to uplift my King. This husband of mine is truly a man of God. He couldn’t make it out to the OneRace prayer meeting last night because he was sick. This morning our dog woke him up early and Charles made the decision to go to prayer and the Men’s breakfast at church. He could have just laid back down but I know he was convicted by the Lord to go be with like-minded men.
Ladies these men exist, good God fearing men, praying men. They are out there if you want them but you are not supposed to pursue them. They are meant to be the pursuer. Even my shy, timid husband pursued me. When he is the right one and in God’s timing, everything will just click. It may not be perfect but God’s Grace will shine a light on the relationship and be there to defend it and you both against every attack of the enemy, even when one of you maybe the enemy within. God’s timing, blessed me with the husband I was made for, stop rushing the process or you might end up with more frogs instead of your KING!!! You king is out there looking for you, praying for you. Are you praying for him?