On July 23, 2019, my day started pretty great. I prayed for everyone that God placed in my heart. I was in a lot of pain but I felt like I had made a major accomplishment concerning my prayer life. I prayed for everyone, even people that have treated me badly. I even prayed for people, I don’t have good feelings for, right now. I was planning on writing a post and working through my physical pain. Then it HIT me!!! JEALOUSY & ENVY!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I have been jealous and envious before but those times were fleeting. They went away as quickly as they came. This was different. Jealousy & envy brought their friend failure with them. That was so rough. I started crying and I couldn’t control my emotions. I hated the way I felt. It was one of many times that I felt like I wasn’t being the best wife & mom that I could/should be to my husband & kids. I wasn’t able to do something for them that, in my mind, I felt like I should have been able to do. I have so many different expectations for myself as a wife & mother. As I think of the conversations I had with my husband & 2 of our kids later that day, most of my expectations for myself are probably unrealistic and not necessary to make my family happy.
As I was talking to Charles, my laptop turned on and I saw the date was 7/23. I have been married before and 7/23 was our anniversary date. It would have been 15 years yesterday, but the marriage has been over for 5 years. Yesterday was just a regular day to me. BUT! I realize the enemy was angry with me because I was supposed to let that day bother me. The devil wanted me to feel like a failure because that marriage ended in divorce. So since I didn’t let that bother me, he went into attack mode from a different direction. As I write this please understand, I DO NOT GIVE THE devil ANY POWER OVER MY LIFE OR MY FAMILY. I know God gives him permission to touch us and our lives to test our trust, faith, & belief in God Himself. The enemy doesn’t have any true power over God’s children. When I realized this, I got upset with myself a little more because I fell for his tricks, again. I fell into one of his traps, on a day that started with me being obedient to the Father. How could I? How could I fall into his trap again and I feel so close to Jesus. Why did I allow this to happen, again? I had to be reminded that I am not perfect and God knew this would happen before it happened.
I am a pretty emotional being but the husband God gave me isn’t. He is my calming spirit. He sat with me, hugged and encouraged me. Charles is constantly reminding me that most people wouldn’t be able to see clearly what was happening at the time. He also emphasized to me how impress he is that I am able to examine myself to see what I need to change or modify in me personally. The kids let me know that my worries were unneeded because I take care of a lion’s share of their needs & wants. That my concerns were nice but they were all right and they did not feel slighted at all. The day ended on a good note and I am so happy for that. I thanked God for His clarity. I could have been trapped in that hole, the enemy created for me of jealously, envy, failure, desperation, and hatred for a long time, but I wasn’t. I have seen it happen to others. It isn’t a pretty sight. I was spiritually and emotionally attacked yesterday but it ended with a blessing.
During these moments, we have to recognize the attack for what it is but at the same time, we have to think clearly of what God is trying to show us. We cannot stay in the trap. God gives us escape routes for everything the devil tries to throw at us. Have faith that God has prepared you for every attack.
LOOK FOR YOUR ESCAPE ROUTE, IT IS THERE, WAITING FOR YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR!!!