I have more than physical healing to contend with. I am working on my spiritual, emotional & mental healing, also. At this moment in my life, I believe I am making a lot of people angry with me. I am being selfish. I am being self-centered. I am putting myself 1st. I have been a people pleaser most of my life. I have put so many before me and that has to stop. I have a husband and kids that need me. I put my healing aside for everyone and now we are suffering.
God placed me in a state of rest for a reason. I haven’t been listening to God or my body. I kept pushing myself to do for everyone who needed my support. I did this with little concern for my health. I am an empath. I feel the pain of others and believe I can help them, I can fix them. I cannot fix anyone. That isn’t my job. I can listen and show support but right now I, emotionally & mentally, cannot do that. My husband & kids understand this. They get me!!! They allow me to be who I really was made to be. I love each of them for it. I don’t have to hide who I am with them. When I say things they take my words for what I said, not their interpretations of what I said. It is so wonderful. I don’t have to tiptoe around them.
Now, I have to change who I am for me and for my family. I will be a better person from it. I have been told, “You are fine the way you are!” I don’t believe that anymore. We are meant to improve who we are on a daily basis. I know I am not Jesus. I know I will never be perfect but I WANT TO LIVE A LIFE OF CHRIST!!! I want to be the best person I can be. I want to achieve the greatness He has planned for me when I was in my mother’s womb.
Healing is different for each of us. It can be easy or it can be hard. I have been taking the hard way. I have to change that in me, always doing everything the hard way. I am in the middle of a transformation in my life. My husband is dealing with his mother’s death. My son is an adult but he is still watching and learning. My daughter is a teenager, she is in one of the hardest times in her life. Their parents divorce really affected them and is still touching their lives, emotionally & mentally. We have 2 more daughters that are dealing with a blended family, a change to their lives, that they may or may not appreciate. A cousin that feels more like a son to me, that is in the middle of his Marine training. These people are my priorities.
I pray that everyone understands where I am in my life. I pray for loving, kindness. I know others are going through things in their lives but I have to place boundaries down. If I don’t, I will not reach where I need to be in my life. Sometimes, it is okay to say’ “No.” I haven’t been a person to do that. It may seem like bad timing to others but it is the perfect timing for me.
Edit: I pray that anyone that I have to place a boundary around or that I am not able to place them 1st in my life, do not believe I have rejected them. I just have a very low emotional & mental threshold right now. I have to put the family I live with 1st. If I don’t, I will fail them and I CANNOT do that to them. I pray for your understanding.